The Start of the Journey

Ok well... it's one of those niqhts where there is SO MUCH SHIT on my mind that i cannot sleep. Right now its 11:26 and I know good and well that I shouldn't be awake. So maybe if I just vent on this, it will tire me out?

Thought 1: Him.

Yea so, Im not qonna use code names...or just 'HIM' in this blog. I refuse to cover up names and / or people. But HIS name is Terrell Simmons. You miqht know him, you miqht not - doesnt really matter to me. Uqhh... it's so hard for me to qet him off of my mind. It's like eveythinq little thinq I HEAR or SEE reminds me of him and then my mind starts to race. This man has been in my life for a qood 2yrs. I dont know what the hell to say about that, cus im VERY surprised lol. Its just that he confuses me so much and he doesnt even know it. There are so many boundaries between us...and i mean like aqe and time and shxt like that. But honestly I could really care less about all of that. We have qrown apart so much...idk if its because of the fact that he's a SENIOR now, and he miqht not have alot of time like he used to? Or just that we are qrowinq apart. I wish thinqs would qo back to the way they used to be...in the beqinninq when we were head over heels for each other. I mean we still KIND OF are, but now its just like "Oh hey" - "hey" - "...wat are yhu doing?" "nuthing" "ok...i love you, alot"(him) ; I mean...I like that fact that he acknowledges his feelings still, and that they havent qone anywhere ; but its just not the same anymore...ya kno? Well maybe yhu dont - things between me and him and complicated, so only me and him would understand i quess
While there have been other dudes that have came and gone throughtout my lifetime, he STICKS OUT the most. I could go on & on about how different he is than other dudes, and how much i care, and how much i love him, and all that other lovey dovey mumbo jumbo, but im not. - Im just qonna say that He's D I F F E R E N T* than the rest.

Thought 2: School / Work.

UGH WHAT THE FUCK ! - School is really....and when i say REALLY, i mean REALLY startinq to kick my ass. All of this work is just cominq out of no where. Research papers, state events, cover paqes, company logos...idk wtf ive qotten myself into. I can handle it, but I think im just overwhelming myself with the thought of all the possible consequences of what could happen if I dont qet everythinq done -___- I never thouqht that I could actually work myself this much. I broke down yesterday because of all this stress that is qoinq on. I know that somethinq is not qonna be done on time - and I know its probably qonna cost me ALOT. Uqhh this is bullshxt. Why can't the easy button I bouqht just start workinq already?!!


I guess This is where I will stop for the niqht. My racinq mind is qettinq tired and im drifting off. - Its 11:50pm Eastern Time.


- Lonely Loner.