Ok, let me qive you a scenario...
You: hey can you qive me some ice cream?
Me: Yea, when I qet some money & I'm ready to buy it.
You: OK, I'll wait....
(Time Passes)
You: hey are you still qonna buy me that ice cream? ;D
Me: I said when I'm ready to buy it...
You: Well...you need to hurry up and buy it.
Me" O___O WHAT?! Are you rushinq me to buy ice cream niqqa?
You: HELL YEA. I want some ice cream.
Me: So all your worried about is ice cream now. . . really doe?
You: i mean nah. . . dont try to make it seem like im a ice cream fiend, im just sick of waiting for you to buy it..
Me: Get the fuck out of my life.
NOW IF YOU WERE ME, WOULDNT YOU QUESTION THAT OTHER PERSON'S MOTIVES?!!
If you cauqht my drift then you should know what this convo was about, and what im tryinq to say...
But seriously doe? YOU REALLY FCKIN RUSHIN ME?! Type of shxt are you on niqqa. Now that really makes me wonder why you stuck around for so lonq... smh
FUCK ICE CREAM, FUCK NIGGAS, FUCK YOUR LIFE. -_____-
Its 12:29 am* - I lost my life at approximately 11:57 pm.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
What Now?
Now Playing: Kid Cudi - Cudi Zone.mp3* - 11:43 PM.
Lmao, so I just did somethinq so retarded. But I dont reqret it at all, shxt happens riqht?
Ok so you all know about that "special person" in my life riqht? Of courseee you do lol - well he's not that special to me anymore...YEA I SAID IT ! x( And it hurts me deep that I'm actually sayinq it. I never thought that it would come to this lol. But for the most part, I think that it's time for me to CONTINUE qrowinq up, and start movinq on. As you all know me & him been dealinq with each other for some time now...like...a very lonq ass time. Lonqer than im used to - i mean, its not that i have a problem with lonq term relationships, or commitment - I just qet tired of people after a certain amount of time...ya know?
The topic of us "breakinq up" or "takinq our time" has been poppin up alot lately. In his eyes it seems like im beinq "too sensitive."
-___- WHAT THE FUCK. Now when i was a HEARTLESS BXTCH in the beqinninq you were complainq ! And now that i toned it down for you, and try to express my feelinqs (which is a very hard thinq for me to do) then its a problem? GET THE FUCK ! - Uqhh i just want someone to understand where im cominq from in all of this. And he was the one person that actually did in one point of my life, but now its like "ok what the hell?" SMH.
To some people, when they see us toqether in school they seem to think "Aww they're such a nice & happy couple, Always lauqhinq and playinq around, yall are qonna qet married one day, he already qave you the rinq riqht?" WRONG ! That''s what people fail to understand. I mean I dont like ppl all in my business but its just to a point where i want to clear shit up. We miqht be all happy & perfect lookiqn it school, well he miqht. I hide my feelinqs with smiles because i dont want people qettinq the wronq idea. I honestly could care less of what peopel think but YEA WATEVER BLAH BLAH. See now im just ramblinq on about my suckish ass love life and how its fallinq apart as I speak -___- I just thouqht id bloq it about and let my feelinqs out here, before they qet too bottled up and the sliqhtest thinq could make me BURST.
DID I MENTION MY EYES ARE STARTING TO WANDER?! Like...im startinq to be attracted to other quys x( Thats how i KNOW SOMETHING IS WRONG, THAT NEVER HAPPENED !!! I mean i would look at someone & qo "oh yea they kute" But now its like "damn...im kind of attracted to this person.." And then from there I qet bold as hell and APPROACH THAT PERSON ;] lmaoo now anybody that knows me KNOWS I CANT BE THAT BOLD !! Smh oh well. And now this certain person is tryinq to boqaurd his way into my life, because he knows my situation with Terrell. I can feel that SPARK but I dont wanna take thinqs too far, I think i still need to find myself...do some soul searching.
But yea...im qonna end this here before i say too much =/
"Fuck That Shit, Ditch That Niqqa."
Now Playing: Trey Songz - Does She Know.mp3*
Lmao, so I just did somethinq so retarded. But I dont reqret it at all, shxt happens riqht?
Ok so you all know about that "special person" in my life riqht? Of courseee you do lol - well he's not that special to me anymore...YEA I SAID IT ! x( And it hurts me deep that I'm actually sayinq it. I never thought that it would come to this lol. But for the most part, I think that it's time for me to CONTINUE qrowinq up, and start movinq on. As you all know me & him been dealinq with each other for some time now...like...a very lonq ass time. Lonqer than im used to - i mean, its not that i have a problem with lonq term relationships, or commitment - I just qet tired of people after a certain amount of time...ya know?
The topic of us "breakinq up" or "takinq our time" has been poppin up alot lately. In his eyes it seems like im beinq "too sensitive."
-___- WHAT THE FUCK. Now when i was a HEARTLESS BXTCH in the beqinninq you were complainq ! And now that i toned it down for you, and try to express my feelinqs (which is a very hard thinq for me to do) then its a problem? GET THE FUCK ! - Uqhh i just want someone to understand where im cominq from in all of this. And he was the one person that actually did in one point of my life, but now its like "ok what the hell?" SMH.
To some people, when they see us toqether in school they seem to think "Aww they're such a nice & happy couple, Always lauqhinq and playinq around, yall are qonna qet married one day, he already qave you the rinq riqht?" WRONG ! That''s what people fail to understand. I mean I dont like ppl all in my business but its just to a point where i want to clear shit up. We miqht be all happy & perfect lookiqn it school, well he miqht. I hide my feelinqs with smiles because i dont want people qettinq the wronq idea. I honestly could care less of what peopel think but YEA WATEVER BLAH BLAH. See now im just ramblinq on about my suckish ass love life and how its fallinq apart as I speak -___- I just thouqht id bloq it about and let my feelinqs out here, before they qet too bottled up and the sliqhtest thinq could make me BURST.
DID I MENTION MY EYES ARE STARTING TO WANDER?! Like...im startinq to be attracted to other quys x( Thats how i KNOW SOMETHING IS WRONG, THAT NEVER HAPPENED !!! I mean i would look at someone & qo "oh yea they kute" But now its like "damn...im kind of attracted to this person.." And then from there I qet bold as hell and APPROACH THAT PERSON ;] lmaoo now anybody that knows me KNOWS I CANT BE THAT BOLD !! Smh oh well. And now this certain person is tryinq to boqaurd his way into my life, because he knows my situation with Terrell. I can feel that SPARK but I dont wanna take thinqs too far, I think i still need to find myself...do some soul searching.
But yea...im qonna end this here before i say too much =/
"Fuck That Shit, Ditch That Niqqa."
Now Playing: Trey Songz - Does She Know.mp3*
Monday, March 22, 2010
And Again
omq i havent bloqqed in forever ! ive just been sooo busy ; but now it seems as thouqh my life is beqinninq to qet back on track now that state is over YESSS !! =) - Ahh I have so much to talk about. (Brace Yourselves)
March 10th (First Day of State)
Ok its the day we leave for state YIPPY ; and i wake up extra early...well actually i dnt think I even went to sleep, I was too overwhelmed with excitement x) I got up & did the usual morning routine, then double checked over EVERYTHING just to make sure. Idk why but it seems like everytime i pack for a trip I ALWAYS end up leavinq atleast one thinq behind lol. But anyway, I made it on my way to school, baqs in the trunk of my mother's car - and the nervousness started to set in. When I pulled up to the techlab door my mom & aunt made such biq deals out of it lmao. Group huqqinq me & kissinq me & tellinq me qood luck and be safe and all that mumbo jumbo. Atleast nobody saw it...well no i think Adam saw it lmao. But they kind of helped me...it took away some of my anxiety i was feelinq. So yea I walk inside and JUST LIKE I EXPECTED, I saw everyone doinq last minute stuff to their events...some people were even STARTING their events LMAOO x) - I sat my stuff down and went straiqht to the office to print out the last little thinqs i needed for desktop publishinq. (GRR) I fckinq hated this event with a PASSION. Dont ask me why, I just really, really, REALLY didnt want that event lol. SO me beinq the very prepared & orqanized person that I am, I had extra notebooks and cardstock and sheet protectors...This is only because my DUMBASS was readinq the wronq materials for my events lmfao and ended up qettinq mad shxt i didnt even need smh. But yeaa soooo i already knew that ppl were qonna ask for shxt ; and I honestly didnt mind...only cus i would expect them to do the same for me if i needed it...riqht? But i kept some of my cardstock lmao ; THAT SHXT WAS EXPENSIVE !!! x( I had about 5 or 6 notebooks and mad sheet protectors so i didnt really care where they went, i was kinda tryna qet rid of them actually lol.
So yea anyway time went by and now we're loadinq the buses OMG OMG - ahaha I know whichever TSA member who qets the chance to read this is prolly qonna think "wtf why was she so worked up about that shxt?" - LMAO and i really dont kno. Probably because it was like my first time doinq all of that, so it was a new experience for me =D
March 11th (First Day of Events)
Uqhh today was just NOT my day. I woke up at 7:28, we had to leave at 7:30 -__- FML
Lmao so im rushinq & shxt tryinq to qet ready, everybody left so it ended up beinq just me & Raven left in the hotel room. We cauqht the shuttle bus to the classic center & i had all of my materials for my event (includinq that HEAVY ASS PRINTER) So i thouqht i was qood to qo...WRONG. As soon as i qot to the classic center i realized i left my pack of paper, AND I COLLARED SHIRT. FML Once aqain. - I was startinq to think that omq today is qonna be soooo lonq and soooo aqqravatinq, which it most likely turned out to be. After I came back from the hotel & made sure i had everythinq IN ORDER - I was qood to qo.
Me & Rosie were anxiously & patiently waitinq for the doors of our event to open so we could turn in our events. Im really qlad we had the same place to qo, because i didnt wanna walk in there by myself. Luckily i had Chika there too just to keep me lauqhinq and take off some of the edqe lol. x) But yea anyway the doors finally open and a lonq line forms ( I HATE WAITING) so now my palms are startinq to sweat, eww. As I was standinq in line i just kept lookinq at my entry for Promotional Graphics, the event that i ACTUALLY LOVED DOING. I kept lookinq for mistakes or somethinq to be majorly wronq with it. Everyone said it was fine and that i was qoinq to place atleast Top 10 if not Top 3. Maybe it was just me beinq paranoid? -__- Nah - Once my turn came up to turn in the graphic with the sheet coverinq on it, I made sure my clothes were in order and that i had everythinq i needed. The man at the table asked me for my number and i told him & then he found the little sticker thinqy, omq he looked so...nervous - he was shakinq and everythinq lmao ; I was startinq to think "IS IT CUS IM BLACK?!!" lmfaoo nah jk but when i handed him the entry his face TOTALLY CHANGED ! Like his eyebrows raised, he fixed his qlasses and everythinq. It was like one of those "OMG, WOW THATS HOT" faces. At the time i didnt know whether the face he made was qood or bad but hey wth. I turned around and walked out of that room confident as hell, checkinq off one thinq on my to-do list for the day ^__^
So everybody is sittinq in our little corner, waitinq for events to start - Joe and everybody else is printinq out stuff for their events and the only thinq qoinq thru my mind was "Plz dont run out of ink...Plz dont run out of ink..." Then 10 minutes later i hear Joe yell "THERE'S NO MORE INK" -____- FUCK MY LIFE ANOTHER TIME. So im runninq around like omq omq where are we qonna qet ink from?! Because i NEEDED that printer for Desktop Publishinq, my one dreaded event. I asked around like "OKKK WHO HAS INK AND / OR WHO IS GOING TO GET SOME?!!" I forqot who, but someone told me that it was some ink in my room at the hotel, i dont remember seeinq any ink so im like WELLLL the General session is about to start, and i cant leave cusz my event starts riqht after. Soooo my qood friend Ikechi said that he would qo back to the hotel & qet it since he didnt have any events =D Yay ! Well atleast for the time beinq.
The general session was about to start and everyone was makinq their way to the theatre thinqy.... BUM RUSHING MIGHT I ADD !
Im like damnnnn chilll bruhhh we all qoinq to the same place CALM DOWN - I was about to start snappinq 4real cus i HATE rude ppl. Especially in a crowded ass place like where we were. But anyway lol - the general session was qood for the most part, until the random ass lady startinq talkinq up a storm...literally. She really would not stop talkinq, and then on top of it she was talkinq about shxt that had NOTHING TO DO WITH TSA. What the fuck does your preme dauqhter, statistics, and FAKE BOOBIES & FLAT ASSES have ANYTHINGGG to do with TSA?!! smh she pissed me off 4real cus she pushed the WHOLEEE conference back by like an hour. I was startinq to qet really aqqravatinq cus i still had no idea where my ink was. AND SOMEONE STOLE MY PACK OF PAPER ! Im like wtf?! - But come to find out lordsway had it...and the printer ! So im like OH MY GOD IM GONNA LOSE, IM GONNA BE LATE TO MY EVENT, IM NOT GONNA PLACE, THIS IS BULLSHXT FML TAKE ME HOME NOW !!! - i really should of taken my medicine that morninq, cus i spazzed the hell out. I cant remember if i snapped at anybody or if i cursed anyone out, but i know i cried. I didnt even eat because i was so fckin pissed.
Everyone was sittinq outside of my event doors, I see people qoinq in with their system control stuff...and printers...and other thinqs of that sort. Im thinkinq like omq i need to be in there but quess what...I HAVE NO FUCKING PRINTER ! I was feelinq so overwhelmed with everythinq and all of that oncominq stress that I just had to let it out. I didnt even notice i was cryinq until I felt tears hittinq my hands and leqs and then I heard Mai in my ear tryinq to comfort me & say everythinq is qoin to be alriqht. Im qlad that everyone understands that if Im upset or somethinq, to not bother me. When ppl asked me if i was OK, and i said YEA (knowinq damn well im not) - Or if they asked "why are you cryinq" and i DONT RESPOND, to just leave it the hell alone - And that is what everyone did....I love yall for that, cus I would of hated to have to snap on yall 4real lmao ♥
So then I see Joe walk down the hall with the printer and my spirits qet kind of lifted. And then i think...THERE BETTER BE INK IN THAT BITCH - I didnt even bother askinq cus if he had of said no i think i would of smacked someone -___- I wiped my final tears away and manned up and qot my shxt toqether and started walkinq towards the doors. Im really, really qlad Adam was there to help me thru it all lol - He helped me set up everythinq & when he was done i remember him sayinq "Its alriqht, you'll do qreat" =D after that i felt better...4real - but when i saw him walkinq out I thouqht to myself "omq...plz dont qo -__-" I just needed somebody to be by my side lol. Then i looked over to my left & saw Osahon & SOP HEAD lmao x) Osahon came over & asked me if i was alriqht and then made me lauqh.... Damn i never really realized how qood of friends I had ♥ lmao -
Because of that lady talkinq all lonq & shxt, the event qot pushed back...thank qod - that qave me time to qet myself toqether. Me beinq the biq baby that I am ; as soon as i qot my internet hooked up & ready i went str8 to gmail (since i dont have a phone) - to email my mother...my life saver...my motivation. Lol that was the main way i kept in contact with her durinq the whole trip. We were emailinq back & forth for a qood 25mins until the ppl started to talk about the event, then i had to turn it off =/ I felt myself about to cry aqain, but i didnt - I refused to let any more tears drop...or let anyone else see me cry in that damn classic center.
But anyway im tired of typinq all this shxt ; so ill just wrap up the rest of the weekend in these last sentences.
- I CAME IN 5TH PLACE FOR DESKTOP =/ ATLEAST I MADE TOP 10 RIGHT?
- ME, ROSIE, & VIENG PLACED 1ST IN FASHION DESIGN (YEA BITCHHH)
- ME & RAVEN GOT ROBBED OF PROMOTIONAL GRAPHICS -___- THAT IS ALL LMAO
But overall...qoinq to Athens with TSA has to be one of the qreatest experiences of my life. I went thru every emotion possible in those 3 days that we were there. I got to meet different people and learned many thinqs about ppl...like my fellow TSA members =D I qot to know everybody on a one to one basis & see what really qoes on in their heads when we are NOT IN THE TECH LAB lmao - I couldnt of had a better time there with anyone else but them. I learned that when thinqs qo wronq to just stick it out, and you'll do better the next time - Even thouqh i didnt qet top 3 in my INDIVIDUAL events, I know i did my best on all of them. I honestly love TSA - Every sinqle last one of yall lmao.
=) You quys complete me (The qeeky, nerdy, techy, foolish, retarded, rude, outqoinq, funny, emotional, BIPOLAR ME !)
I do have lots more to talk about...but ill save it for another time - Ive been writinq this same bloq for about 2 & a half hours because i was tryinq to talk about everythinq, but i realize now that i cant. So ill stop here.
Its 10:30pm.
March 10th (First Day of State)
Ok its the day we leave for state YIPPY ; and i wake up extra early...well actually i dnt think I even went to sleep, I was too overwhelmed with excitement x) I got up & did the usual morning routine, then double checked over EVERYTHING just to make sure. Idk why but it seems like everytime i pack for a trip I ALWAYS end up leavinq atleast one thinq behind lol. But anyway, I made it on my way to school, baqs in the trunk of my mother's car - and the nervousness started to set in. When I pulled up to the techlab door my mom & aunt made such biq deals out of it lmao. Group huqqinq me & kissinq me & tellinq me qood luck and be safe and all that mumbo jumbo. Atleast nobody saw it...well no i think Adam saw it lmao. But they kind of helped me...it took away some of my anxiety i was feelinq. So yea I walk inside and JUST LIKE I EXPECTED, I saw everyone doinq last minute stuff to their events...some people were even STARTING their events LMAOO x) - I sat my stuff down and went straiqht to the office to print out the last little thinqs i needed for desktop publishinq. (GRR) I fckinq hated this event with a PASSION. Dont ask me why, I just really, really, REALLY didnt want that event lol. SO me beinq the very prepared & orqanized person that I am, I had extra notebooks and cardstock and sheet protectors...This is only because my DUMBASS was readinq the wronq materials for my events lmfao and ended up qettinq mad shxt i didnt even need smh. But yeaa soooo i already knew that ppl were qonna ask for shxt ; and I honestly didnt mind...only cus i would expect them to do the same for me if i needed it...riqht? But i kept some of my cardstock lmao ; THAT SHXT WAS EXPENSIVE !!! x( I had about 5 or 6 notebooks and mad sheet protectors so i didnt really care where they went, i was kinda tryna qet rid of them actually lol.
So yea anyway time went by and now we're loadinq the buses OMG OMG - ahaha I know whichever TSA member who qets the chance to read this is prolly qonna think "wtf why was she so worked up about that shxt?" - LMAO and i really dont kno. Probably because it was like my first time doinq all of that, so it was a new experience for me =D
March 11th (First Day of Events)
Uqhh today was just NOT my day. I woke up at 7:28, we had to leave at 7:30 -__- FML
Lmao so im rushinq & shxt tryinq to qet ready, everybody left so it ended up beinq just me & Raven left in the hotel room. We cauqht the shuttle bus to the classic center & i had all of my materials for my event (includinq that HEAVY ASS PRINTER) So i thouqht i was qood to qo...WRONG. As soon as i qot to the classic center i realized i left my pack of paper, AND I COLLARED SHIRT. FML Once aqain. - I was startinq to think that omq today is qonna be soooo lonq and soooo aqqravatinq, which it most likely turned out to be. After I came back from the hotel & made sure i had everythinq IN ORDER - I was qood to qo.
Me & Rosie were anxiously & patiently waitinq for the doors of our event to open so we could turn in our events. Im really qlad we had the same place to qo, because i didnt wanna walk in there by myself. Luckily i had Chika there too just to keep me lauqhinq and take off some of the edqe lol. x) But yea anyway the doors finally open and a lonq line forms ( I HATE WAITING) so now my palms are startinq to sweat, eww. As I was standinq in line i just kept lookinq at my entry for Promotional Graphics, the event that i ACTUALLY LOVED DOING. I kept lookinq for mistakes or somethinq to be majorly wronq with it. Everyone said it was fine and that i was qoinq to place atleast Top 10 if not Top 3. Maybe it was just me beinq paranoid? -__- Nah - Once my turn came up to turn in the graphic with the sheet coverinq on it, I made sure my clothes were in order and that i had everythinq i needed. The man at the table asked me for my number and i told him & then he found the little sticker thinqy, omq he looked so...nervous - he was shakinq and everythinq lmao ; I was startinq to think "IS IT CUS IM BLACK?!!" lmfaoo nah jk but when i handed him the entry his face TOTALLY CHANGED ! Like his eyebrows raised, he fixed his qlasses and everythinq. It was like one of those "OMG, WOW THATS HOT" faces. At the time i didnt know whether the face he made was qood or bad but hey wth. I turned around and walked out of that room confident as hell, checkinq off one thinq on my to-do list for the day ^__^
So everybody is sittinq in our little corner, waitinq for events to start - Joe and everybody else is printinq out stuff for their events and the only thinq qoinq thru my mind was "Plz dont run out of ink...Plz dont run out of ink..." Then 10 minutes later i hear Joe yell "THERE'S NO MORE INK" -____- FUCK MY LIFE ANOTHER TIME. So im runninq around like omq omq where are we qonna qet ink from?! Because i NEEDED that printer for Desktop Publishinq, my one dreaded event. I asked around like "OKKK WHO HAS INK AND / OR WHO IS GOING TO GET SOME?!!" I forqot who, but someone told me that it was some ink in my room at the hotel, i dont remember seeinq any ink so im like WELLLL the General session is about to start, and i cant leave cusz my event starts riqht after. Soooo my qood friend Ikechi said that he would qo back to the hotel & qet it since he didnt have any events =D Yay ! Well atleast for the time beinq.
The general session was about to start and everyone was makinq their way to the theatre thinqy.... BUM RUSHING MIGHT I ADD !
Im like damnnnn chilll bruhhh we all qoinq to the same place CALM DOWN - I was about to start snappinq 4real cus i HATE rude ppl. Especially in a crowded ass place like where we were. But anyway lol - the general session was qood for the most part, until the random ass lady startinq talkinq up a storm...literally. She really would not stop talkinq, and then on top of it she was talkinq about shxt that had NOTHING TO DO WITH TSA. What the fuck does your preme dauqhter, statistics, and FAKE BOOBIES & FLAT ASSES have ANYTHINGGG to do with TSA?!! smh she pissed me off 4real cus she pushed the WHOLEEE conference back by like an hour. I was startinq to qet really aqqravatinq cus i still had no idea where my ink was. AND SOMEONE STOLE MY PACK OF PAPER ! Im like wtf?! - But come to find out lordsway had it...and the printer ! So im like OH MY GOD IM GONNA LOSE, IM GONNA BE LATE TO MY EVENT, IM NOT GONNA PLACE, THIS IS BULLSHXT FML TAKE ME HOME NOW !!! - i really should of taken my medicine that morninq, cus i spazzed the hell out. I cant remember if i snapped at anybody or if i cursed anyone out, but i know i cried. I didnt even eat because i was so fckin pissed.
Everyone was sittinq outside of my event doors, I see people qoinq in with their system control stuff...and printers...and other thinqs of that sort. Im thinkinq like omq i need to be in there but quess what...I HAVE NO FUCKING PRINTER ! I was feelinq so overwhelmed with everythinq and all of that oncominq stress that I just had to let it out. I didnt even notice i was cryinq until I felt tears hittinq my hands and leqs and then I heard Mai in my ear tryinq to comfort me & say everythinq is qoin to be alriqht. Im qlad that everyone understands that if Im upset or somethinq, to not bother me. When ppl asked me if i was OK, and i said YEA (knowinq damn well im not) - Or if they asked "why are you cryinq" and i DONT RESPOND, to just leave it the hell alone - And that is what everyone did....I love yall for that, cus I would of hated to have to snap on yall 4real lmao ♥
So then I see Joe walk down the hall with the printer and my spirits qet kind of lifted. And then i think...THERE BETTER BE INK IN THAT BITCH - I didnt even bother askinq cus if he had of said no i think i would of smacked someone -___- I wiped my final tears away and manned up and qot my shxt toqether and started walkinq towards the doors. Im really, really qlad Adam was there to help me thru it all lol - He helped me set up everythinq & when he was done i remember him sayinq "Its alriqht, you'll do qreat" =D after that i felt better...4real - but when i saw him walkinq out I thouqht to myself "omq...plz dont qo -__-" I just needed somebody to be by my side lol. Then i looked over to my left & saw Osahon & SOP HEAD lmao x) Osahon came over & asked me if i was alriqht and then made me lauqh.... Damn i never really realized how qood of friends I had ♥ lmao -
Because of that lady talkinq all lonq & shxt, the event qot pushed back...thank qod - that qave me time to qet myself toqether. Me beinq the biq baby that I am ; as soon as i qot my internet hooked up & ready i went str8 to gmail (since i dont have a phone) - to email my mother...my life saver...my motivation. Lol that was the main way i kept in contact with her durinq the whole trip. We were emailinq back & forth for a qood 25mins until the ppl started to talk about the event, then i had to turn it off =/ I felt myself about to cry aqain, but i didnt - I refused to let any more tears drop...or let anyone else see me cry in that damn classic center.
But anyway im tired of typinq all this shxt ; so ill just wrap up the rest of the weekend in these last sentences.
- I CAME IN 5TH PLACE FOR DESKTOP =/ ATLEAST I MADE TOP 10 RIGHT?
- ME, ROSIE, & VIENG PLACED 1ST IN FASHION DESIGN (YEA BITCHHH)
- ME & RAVEN GOT ROBBED OF PROMOTIONAL GRAPHICS -___- THAT IS ALL LMAO
But overall...qoinq to Athens with TSA has to be one of the qreatest experiences of my life. I went thru every emotion possible in those 3 days that we were there. I got to meet different people and learned many thinqs about ppl...like my fellow TSA members =D I qot to know everybody on a one to one basis & see what really qoes on in their heads when we are NOT IN THE TECH LAB lmao - I couldnt of had a better time there with anyone else but them. I learned that when thinqs qo wronq to just stick it out, and you'll do better the next time - Even thouqh i didnt qet top 3 in my INDIVIDUAL events, I know i did my best on all of them. I honestly love TSA - Every sinqle last one of yall lmao.
=) You quys complete me (The qeeky, nerdy, techy, foolish, retarded, rude, outqoinq, funny, emotional, BIPOLAR ME !)
I do have lots more to talk about...but ill save it for another time - Ive been writinq this same bloq for about 2 & a half hours because i was tryinq to talk about everythinq, but i realize now that i cant. So ill stop here.
Its 10:30pm.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
UGH. Im dyinq
like seriously, i really am dyinq. lmao I have SO MUCH SHIT TO DOOOO OMFG !
well, its not really alot ; i just pay attention to alot of DETAIL, and that's probably why i have so much stuff to do. - Well let me show you.
Shit List of Things To Do:
And this is why im stressinq. - I have all of the important stuff done for promo, but i still have tons of shxt to do before 2morrow - WHEN WE LEAVE !!! x(
Im over here qoinq crazy, and procrastinatinq as usual - i know i should be workinq on desktop but wtf is wronq with me?! ; I have a serious problem, i think i need some help for real lol.
Im gonna make this short, so i can qo back to desktop - i quess i just needed to clear my mind here so i can REALLY FOCUS on what i need to be doinq.
But yea....thats it. - Ok bye x)
well, its not really alot ; i just pay attention to alot of DETAIL, and that's probably why i have so much stuff to do. - Well let me show you.
Shit List of Things To Do:
Finish the rest of promo.- Finish the rest of desktop publishing
- have atleast 30 cards for Ruff Jo (almost there)
- Finish outline for Ruff Jo (NOT EVEN DONE RESEARCHING)
- Cry for an hour in a corner -__-
And this is why im stressinq. - I have all of the important stuff done for promo, but i still have tons of shxt to do before 2morrow - WHEN WE LEAVE !!! x(
Im over here qoinq crazy, and procrastinatinq as usual - i know i should be workinq on desktop but wtf is wronq with me?! ; I have a serious problem, i think i need some help for real lol.
Im gonna make this short, so i can qo back to desktop - i quess i just needed to clear my mind here so i can REALLY FOCUS on what i need to be doinq.
But yea....thats it. - Ok bye x)
Thursday, March 4, 2010
On That Note...
Now Playing: B.o.B ft. Bruno Mars - Nothing On You.mp3
I could qet used to this. Seems as thouqh ive upqraded from my written JOURNAL to BLOGGING ahaha x)
Well today was a fckinq rollercoaster for real. I think I have to start back takinq my medicine. (so serious) - & I dont like when ppl constantly CLAIM that they are "BIPOLAR" - BXTCHHHH NO YHU NOT ! lmao that really ticks me off -__- because half of the muthafckas that say they are, have NO IDEA what i real person with the disorder qoes thru...that shxt is not COOL OR FUN AT ALL.
It's 8:47 pm
It all started when I woke up this morning.
I just KNEW FOR A FACT that today was just not qoinq to be my day. The whole morninq while i was qettinq ready for school I could just feel my mood deterioratinq as time went on. When i qot to school, I was hopinq that MAYBE I would feel better because I wouldnt have to be stuck in this house, but then I realized that beinq comfortable in my OWN HOUSE was x10 better than beinq around intolerable people. Honestly im really not a people person lol. Sometimes i just think like..."why the fuck are you botherinq me & in my face?" -___- I know i shouldnt be like that but hey wtf who cares. - - So anyway, I qot to the tech lab & felt a half better when I started to see the people I can actually tolerate without havinq to black out. (i.e. Adam, Marlea, Raven, etc.) - =]
But yeaaaa THEN as always, ppl have to fuck shit up. I tried my dear hardest to not show my emotions throuqh my face, but thats kinda hard for me =/ I really need to work on that. - And you know how nosey most ppl qet when they see somethinq is wronq with you. I mean, I like the fact that you are worried, but damn when you ask me whats wronq and I say NOTHING, then damnit WAT THE FUCK STOP ASKING ME !!!
I didnt want to be bothered or talk to anybody because I knew that I would snap, and I didnt feel like qettinq 10 days for smackin a hoe -__- lmao
It just seemed like today everybody was out to qet me.... everyone was tryinq to make me mad, irritate me, keep FUCKING WITH ME - and all that stupid shxt. The only qood part of my day was 4th period. I skipped skitzo ass Ms.Edwards and stayed in the lab - The ONLY PEOPLE (not even jokinq or exaqqeratinq) who didnt piss me off / made my day were Terrell, Carlythia, and Adam. It's like they're the only ones i can relate to, and talk to when I need them the most.
They're not out to qet me like the rest. I HOPE* - Scratch that, I KNOW.
But enough about my fucked up ass day. - Im tryinq to make the last remaininq hours better i quess, startinq with qettin all my feelinqs out. Riqht here riqht now, for you all to see. *siqh....* I wish my life wasnt so complicated. Maybe I will tell you about my life another day, I dont feel like qettinq into all of that riqht now - cusz i will be here F O R E V E R explaininq to you the ways I live, and the thinqs I do. - Im Done For Now
Now Playing: Fly Leaf - All Around Me.mp3*
It's 9:09 pm
I could qet used to this. Seems as thouqh ive upqraded from my written JOURNAL to BLOGGING ahaha x)
Well today was a fckinq rollercoaster for real. I think I have to start back takinq my medicine. (so serious) - & I dont like when ppl constantly CLAIM that they are "BIPOLAR" - BXTCHHHH NO YHU NOT ! lmao that really ticks me off -__- because half of the muthafckas that say they are, have NO IDEA what i real person with the disorder qoes thru...that shxt is not COOL OR FUN AT ALL.
It's 8:47 pm
It all started when I woke up this morning.
I just KNEW FOR A FACT that today was just not qoinq to be my day. The whole morninq while i was qettinq ready for school I could just feel my mood deterioratinq as time went on. When i qot to school, I was hopinq that MAYBE I would feel better because I wouldnt have to be stuck in this house, but then I realized that beinq comfortable in my OWN HOUSE was x10 better than beinq around intolerable people. Honestly im really not a people person lol. Sometimes i just think like..."why the fuck are you botherinq me & in my face?" -___- I know i shouldnt be like that but hey wtf who cares. - - So anyway, I qot to the tech lab & felt a half better when I started to see the people I can actually tolerate without havinq to black out. (i.e. Adam, Marlea, Raven, etc.) - =]
But yeaaaa THEN as always, ppl have to fuck shit up. I tried my dear hardest to not show my emotions throuqh my face, but thats kinda hard for me =/ I really need to work on that. - And you know how nosey most ppl qet when they see somethinq is wronq with you. I mean, I like the fact that you are worried, but damn when you ask me whats wronq and I say NOTHING, then damnit WAT THE FUCK STOP ASKING ME !!!
I didnt want to be bothered or talk to anybody because I knew that I would snap, and I didnt feel like qettinq 10 days for smackin a hoe -__- lmao
It just seemed like today everybody was out to qet me.... everyone was tryinq to make me mad, irritate me, keep FUCKING WITH ME - and all that stupid shxt. The only qood part of my day was 4th period. I skipped skitzo ass Ms.Edwards and stayed in the lab - The ONLY PEOPLE (not even jokinq or exaqqeratinq) who didnt piss me off / made my day were Terrell, Carlythia, and Adam. It's like they're the only ones i can relate to, and talk to when I need them the most.
They're not out to qet me like the rest. I HOPE* - Scratch that, I KNOW.
But enough about my fucked up ass day. - Im tryinq to make the last remaininq hours better i quess, startinq with qettin all my feelinqs out. Riqht here riqht now, for you all to see. *siqh....* I wish my life wasnt so complicated. Maybe I will tell you about my life another day, I dont feel like qettinq into all of that riqht now - cusz i will be here F O R E V E R explaininq to you the ways I live, and the thinqs I do. - Im Done For Now
Now Playing: Fly Leaf - All Around Me.mp3*
It's 9:09 pm
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
The Start of the Journey
Ok well... it's one of those niqhts where there is SO MUCH SHIT on my mind that i cannot sleep. Right now its 11:26 and I know good and well that I shouldn't be awake. So maybe if I just vent on this, it will tire me out?
Thought 1: Him.
Yea so, Im not qonna use code names...or just 'HIM' in this blog. I refuse to cover up names and / or people. But HIS name is Terrell Simmons. You miqht know him, you miqht not - doesnt really matter to me. Uqhh... it's so hard for me to qet him off of my mind. It's like eveythinq little thinq I HEAR or SEE reminds me of him and then my mind starts to race. This man has been in my life for a qood 2yrs. I dont know what the hell to say about that, cus im VERY surprised lol. Its just that he confuses me so much and he doesnt even know it. There are so many boundaries between us...and i mean like aqe and time and shxt like that. But honestly I could really care less about all of that. We have qrown apart so much...idk if its because of the fact that he's a SENIOR now, and he miqht not have alot of time like he used to? Or just that we are qrowinq apart. I wish thinqs would qo back to the way they used to be...in the beqinninq when we were head over heels for each other. I mean we still KIND OF are, but now its just like "Oh hey" - "hey" - "...wat are yhu doing?" "nuthing" "ok...i love you, alot"(him) ; I mean...I like that fact that he acknowledges his feelings still, and that they havent qone anywhere ; but its just not the same anymore...ya kno? Well maybe yhu dont - things between me and him and complicated, so only me and him would understand i quess
While there have been other dudes that have came and gone throughtout my lifetime, he STICKS OUT the most. I could go on & on about how different he is than other dudes, and how much i care, and how much i love him, and all that other lovey dovey mumbo jumbo, but im not. - Im just qonna say that He's D I F F E R E N T* than the rest.
Thought 2: School / Work.
UGH WHAT THE FUCK ! - School is really....and when i say REALLY, i mean REALLY startinq to kick my ass. All of this work is just cominq out of no where. Research papers, state events, cover paqes, company logos...idk wtf ive qotten myself into. I can handle it, but I think im just overwhelming myself with the thought of all the possible consequences of what could happen if I dont qet everythinq done -___- I never thouqht that I could actually work myself this much. I broke down yesterday because of all this stress that is qoinq on. I know that somethinq is not qonna be done on time - and I know its probably qonna cost me ALOT. Uqhh this is bullshxt. Why can't the easy button I bouqht just start workinq already?!!
I guess This is where I will stop for the niqht. My racinq mind is qettinq tired and im drifting off. - Its 11:50pm Eastern Time.
- Lonely Loner.
Thought 1: Him.
Yea so, Im not qonna use code names...or just 'HIM' in this blog. I refuse to cover up names and / or people. But HIS name is Terrell Simmons. You miqht know him, you miqht not - doesnt really matter to me. Uqhh... it's so hard for me to qet him off of my mind. It's like eveythinq little thinq I HEAR or SEE reminds me of him and then my mind starts to race. This man has been in my life for a qood 2yrs. I dont know what the hell to say about that, cus im VERY surprised lol. Its just that he confuses me so much and he doesnt even know it. There are so many boundaries between us...and i mean like aqe and time and shxt like that. But honestly I could really care less about all of that. We have qrown apart so much...idk if its because of the fact that he's a SENIOR now, and he miqht not have alot of time like he used to? Or just that we are qrowinq apart. I wish thinqs would qo back to the way they used to be...in the beqinninq when we were head over heels for each other. I mean we still KIND OF are, but now its just like "Oh hey" - "hey" - "...wat are yhu doing?" "nuthing" "ok...i love you, alot"(him) ; I mean...I like that fact that he acknowledges his feelings still, and that they havent qone anywhere ; but its just not the same anymore...ya kno? Well maybe yhu dont - things between me and him and complicated, so only me and him would understand i quess
While there have been other dudes that have came and gone throughtout my lifetime, he STICKS OUT the most. I could go on & on about how different he is than other dudes, and how much i care, and how much i love him, and all that other lovey dovey mumbo jumbo, but im not. - Im just qonna say that He's D I F F E R E N T* than the rest.
Thought 2: School / Work.
UGH WHAT THE FUCK ! - School is really....and when i say REALLY, i mean REALLY startinq to kick my ass. All of this work is just cominq out of no where. Research papers, state events, cover paqes, company logos...idk wtf ive qotten myself into. I can handle it, but I think im just overwhelming myself with the thought of all the possible consequences of what could happen if I dont qet everythinq done -___- I never thouqht that I could actually work myself this much. I broke down yesterday because of all this stress that is qoinq on. I know that somethinq is not qonna be done on time - and I know its probably qonna cost me ALOT. Uqhh this is bullshxt. Why can't the easy button I bouqht just start workinq already?!!
I guess This is where I will stop for the niqht. My racinq mind is qettinq tired and im drifting off. - Its 11:50pm Eastern Time.
- Lonely Loner.
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